說不出的故事，最想被聽見
作者：Stephen Grosz
本書由一位英國心理醫師，講述31篇平實卻又觸動人心的幾個故事。這些故事都是他的個案實例，並以一位心理分析師的角度，帶領讀者去理解、傾聽複雜的「人」所擁有的情緒和行為，以及故事背後還有人最真實的樣貌。
這本書是我在英國的一位熱愛閱讀的朋友送給我的餞別禮物，他是一位非常有同理心且善於傾聽的朋友，很喜歡分享也很喜歡聽我說故事，所以我很想了解他為什麼會送我這一本書。再者，對於心理分析及諮商有些接觸，最近自己的狀況不是很穩定，所以想選一本能讓自己可以舒服閱讀的書，傾聽他人的故事的同時也在安慰我自己，簡單的幾個小故事顯現出很真實的人性。
- 書本架構：
- Beginning
- Telling lies
- Loving
- Changing
- Leaving
故事分享 ＆書摘節錄
The gift of pain
On one time or another, we all try to silence painful emotions. But when we succeed in feeling nothing we lose the only means we have or knowing what hurts us, and why. P.27
Doctor Paul Brand, in 1972, he wrote: “If I had one gift which I could give to people with leprosy, it would be the gift of pain.” Matt suffered from a kind if psychological leprosy; unable to feel his emotional pain, he was forever in danger of permanently, maybe fatally, damaging himself. P.26
- 病識感，知道自己生病了需要看醫生。
- 傷害他人的人，可能是來自於他對於他人的感受無感，對於痛苦無感，也可以對於自己的疼痛無感。
- Inside out
On secret
We explored the idea that his lying was a way of controlling others, or compensation for a sense of inferiority. P.41
時常對於說謊話說大話的人感到不能理解，而這一篇故事說出了說謊的人是來自於他們想要掌控他人，以及消弭自卑感。
On not being a couple
He needed an experienced therapist who could help him get a better sense of the cause of his depression, amd get a clearer picture of his underlying worries. P. 48
During the consultation, I have to gather information -the patient’s life story, the history of his problem – but the most important thing is that the patient should leave our first meeting feeling heard. And the end of this meeting, he should feel that what he came to say, needed to say, has been said, listen to and thought about. In almost all consultations, there is a moment when thing click, when both people feel there has been an understanding.
Being loved is the problem, because love is a demand – when you’re loved, someone wants more of you. p. 53
- 一個成功的心理諮商對話彼此契合。
- 被愛的恐懼，親密感的逃離。想依賴，但發現自己太過依賴，因此而害怕失去，所以選擇不依賴或者更極端的逃離。
- Five Stages of Grief
伊莉莎白‧庫伯勒-羅絲( Elisabeth Kübler-Ross)在她1969年出版的「論死亡與臨終」（On Death and Dying）一書中提出的。這五個階段後來廣泛流傳，被稱作「哀傷的五個階段」
- Denial and isolation 否定事實並隔離自己
- Anger 氣忿、怨懟
- Bargaining 爭論事實、想要改變不願意面對的事實
- Depression 低落、無感、無欲、具疏離感
- Acceptance 接受事實